My Journey Part-7

This is #7 of a nine-part series.
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Morning: Cold water splashed on my face; it trickles past the stubble on my cheeks. I breathe out a sigh as I stand in front of the mirror. "Who is that guy staring back at me? I don't recognize him anymore. He looks...Well, he looks tired; he looks...old." It's early spring and as the sun rises, silhouetting the still bare trees this chilly morning, I find myself wanting for answers that elude me. That face; that tired old face I see in the mirror...I'm afraid it is mine. Although I don't want to admit it, the past year has taken a toll. It's time for some changes - some very difficult changes.
I'm really not a morning person!

Have you ever remodeled a home; maybe a bathroom or perhaps something a bit more ambitious? Ideally, there's an order to such a project. You start with a vision; an image in your mind's eye. You try to imagine the finished product; to see yourself relaxing in the newly renovated space. From your vision flows everything else: You develop a set of plans; the plans are reviewed, revised and finalized; the plans are then submitted to the local inspection authority and a permit is issued. Finally, construction begins...with demolition. Demolition is the most unpleasant phase of the project; you're tearing down rather than building up. Demolition is dust and debris; it's noise and calamity - it most certainly does not feel like progress. Demolition may involve a wall or two while other times, the entire structure - maybe right down to the very foundation! Soon the smell of plaster dust and dry-rot gives way to the aroma of fresh-cut lumber as the renovation takes shape. And so it goes - ideally, that is.
Then, of course there are the non-ideal situations. In these, demolition isn't part of one's master plan, it's the result of some sort of catastrophe. A storm, flood or fire has damaged - maybe even destroyed the home. Under duress, a plan emerges from the rubble. You evaluate what's left; if it cannot be salvaged, it must be stripped away. What remains, remains. And from there, you plan to reconstruct or build elsewhere.

In the ideal situation, you're envisioning a project that will improve or add to what you already have. In the non-ideal, you're hoping to restore what has been lost.
I now find myself in the midst of a storm. The winds have not yet abated and the dust is still thick in the air but I'm beginning to see what has been lost. Walking through the debris field, I'm trying to regain some vision; to formulate a plan of action. I must consider the delicate balance between the daily needs of my family while considering how to restore stability to our household.
"What storm?" You ask. Okay, I'll forgo the analogies: The economic "storm" which has been raging over the state of Michigan for the past few years has severely weakened our family business. We've been steadily losing ground financially for some time. We've been in a fighting retreat for the past two quarters and have cut everything that can be cut without touching our salaries. However, the company can no longer afford to pay me what my large family requires. Either we quickly develop and implement a business plan; one which includes a reasonable expectation for growth or I must seek another line of work. Unfortunately, I don't see a reasonable expectation for growth and so I'm biding my time while trying to shore-up the company as best I can before my departure. I would leave large hole in the organization if I didn't do my best to stabilize things for my brother and Dad before moving on. Another reality has become painfully clear; we will likely lose our home in the next five to six months. It's enough to make a 45 year-old guy suddenly feel...well, old!
In the coming weeks I'll be writing more about this situation but know this: I have no doubt that God knows our needs and I'm confident that He's using these times to bring about His glory in my family, in me...in this forum. Nevertheless, I ask for your prayers as I seek discernment, wisdom, and courage to follow wherever God leads. In short, I need a plan - a set of blue-lines and some specification notes. After all, God is my architect!