My Journey Part-9 A Tale of Three Houses

This is #9 of a nine-part series.
If you'd like to skip to a different chapter,
Just click on the My Journey series
under LABELS on the right side of your screen.

Be like a solid tower whose brave height remains unmoved by all the winds that blow; the man who lets his thoughts be turned aside by one thing or another, will lose sight of his true goal, his mind sapped of its strength.
- Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy

A house sat empty, nestled in a wooded hillside among a stand of tall pines - waiting...waiting for the sounds of family; of the daily clatter of life under its roof once again.

More than four millennia ago judgment came upon the Earth as "were all the fountains of the great deep broken up". Our world's outer crust was shattered as the waters burst forth. The great deluge dramatically changed the surface of the land; buckling and stressing it. The mountain ranges of the Earth were heaped high and valleys were cut deep as the entire globe sought some measure of stability - a tentative state of equilibrium. Throughout the generations of man since those terrible days, the ground beneath his feet has remained unstable - still displaying visible scars and enduring a host of festering wounds. He has felt its awful effects right down into the very footings which bear the soil upon which he toils. And to this day, we all have an inescapable sense; a perception that something is amiss with this world in which we dwell.

A man worked in the heat of the tropical sun each day - month after month; spending nearly all he had until his house was ready; eager for the day he and his wife would call it home. He was like so many others in his economically depleted city - doing what he must to survive; using what skills and wares he could bring to market to provide sustenance for his family.
Today, the walls he'd so laboriously erected along with the roof that rested atop them tumbled into a heap. With an acrid cloud of dust hanging in the air, the man desperately clawed at the debris that hours ago had been his home. With his bare hands and makeshift implements, he dug into the pile; hoping to find his wife alive. He didn't. You see, the man is a Haitian and that mound of rubble is one of countless others in Port au Prince. The Earth shook today and it's likely that thousands have perished. Many more are wandering through the devastation with nothing but the clothes on their backs. The world looks on - horrified by the images of broken children and bewildered adults; of destroyed homes; of destroyed lives. Some will ask, "where is your God?' How can a loving God allow such misery?"

August 29, 2009 - a mild, late-summer Saturday morning and the house was buzzing with activity. Friends and family arrived early to lend a hand - there was much to do and only a day in which to do it. Bed frames were disassembled, boxes were passed along a human chain toward the exits and pieces of furniture were carefully maneuvered through doorways. An entire household was being loaded into a moving van and a few accompanying vehicles.
By midday, the house was emptied of all that had accumulated under its roof over the past several years. Gradually, the noise faded, the hustle & bustle gave way to a somber stillness. A single pair of boot heals slowly paced the well-worn wooden floor. Echoing through the empty house, those footfalls were the only remaining sounds. I paused at the front door long enough for a last glance around the room; wanting to somehow mark the moment and give it a special place of remembrance in my thoughts. A couple of dust balls swirled on that bare floor - caught in the eddying currents of air created as I pulled the door closed behind me. And all was silent. Moving day had finally come.
Last year as the snow and ice gave way to the warmth of springtime, we had to face the reality that personal bankruptcy was the only option left to us. With almost no working capital, we pressed on in our effort to begin again - building a new business on the bare foundations of the old one. I had little if any expectation that we would prevail. With no cash on hand and a depressed market, I went through the motions of establishing a partnership with my brother; convinced it would fall short of sustaining both our households as well as our parents. By April, we knew we would be losing our house.
I prayed each day; asking God for wisdom. I needed answers. Where was God leading my family? Was He purposely uprooting us to be transplanted into some other community? How would such a move be accomplished given our current state of affairs? One thing was clear: if we were to remain in this community, then either our business would need to prosper quickly or I'd need to seek out another opportunity to replace the income I had lost.
As we moved into late spring and our first full quarter in business was behind us, I took a look at our numbers. I compared our profit and loss from the same quarter of 2008 to our performance in 2009. I checked my figures and then rechecked them. "Was this right - did I miss something?" I thought. There was a significant swing from deep deficits to profitability! Though it was way too early to call it a trend, it appeared to me that God was giving me the encouragement I needed to go forward boldly. It would seem that He was answering my queries; granting me enough vision to press on with our efforts to remain in this community - to remain here and seek His will for me, my family and our business.
My wife and I began to search the area for our new home. We had about six months to get this done but practically speaking, we'd need to accomplish it much sooner than that with a new school year on the horizon. Prayerfully, we asked to find a new home and have our household functional by summer's end. The search proved difficult and at times very frustrating. There are many homes on the market right now but our particular needs narrowed the offerings down to but a few. Given our financial situation, conventional financing was out of the question - we'd need to find a seller willing to negotiate either a lease with the option to purchase or a land contract. Furthermore, the property needed to be large enough to accommodate a family with eight kids, have an out-building which could house our business, and fit our housing budget!
By July, we had exhausted all but one property. It was a bit on the small side for us - sort of like trying to jam a size 10 foot into a size 8 shoe but we were excited about the possibilities. I was fairly confident that this was to going to be our new home. God seemed to be blessing our business and providing for us the means to remain in the community we had grown to love so much!
We waited for over two weeks as the sellers considered our offer to purchase under a land contract. Late in the afternoon on August 6, I was feeling a bit anxious as I ambled about outside our home; asking God for some answers to this question of housing. The clock was ticking - not only our clock but the bank's clock as well! My prayer concluded as I heard the phone ring inside the house. The answer had come - it was "no". I felt the color drain from my face as our agent continued to speak. He went on; offering some suggestions or some such thing but I heard nothing after the "no".
After sundown that evening, I stretched my legs and went for a long walk. I needed some time with my Father. The first mile or so I just vented my pent-up frustrations: If this is where God wants us to reside, then why all the roadblocks? As I made my turn to head back home, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit restoring my strength and resolve to trust in my Heavenly Father and follow his lead. I recalled the long hike I'd taken back in March (see My Journey Part-6). Along the frozen shores of Lake Michigan I had found a piece of driftwood which now hangs in my shop as a reminder that I am not adrift - floating aimlessly in a sea of uncertainty. God has a plan and a purpose for everything in our lives and if we're willing to follow Him, He'll lead us to places we could never imagine! They're not roadblocks, they're directional signs!
A couple of hours later, I strode through the door with a new measure of resolve for finding God's will for me and my family. My wife greeted me as I walked into the living room. "I think I've found our new home" she said; gesturing me to have a look at her computer screen. Feeling a bit incredulous, I humored her; not at all in the mood for looking at more properties at the moment. I immediately recognized the house from the photos on the listing page - we'd seen it back in April; right across the road from the very first house we looked at with our agent. A beautiful house; nestled in a wooded hillside among a stand of tall pines...and well beyond our price range so it was no more than a passing curiosity at the time.
With my wife looking over my shoulder; eager to know my reaction, I read the property description:

~Over 4,400 square feet - more than enough room for our size 10 family. Check
~Over four acres of land - more than enough room for the kids to romp. Check
~Large kitchen and spaces for my wife to conduct her home-schooling. Check
~A large heated out-building with office space, a full bath and plenty or room to store equipment and supplies. Check
~A monthly payment that fits our budget. Check
~A large deck with a screened gazebo. Okay, that's nice too! (Check!)
~A hot tub, jacuzzi, theater room with an 8-foot high-def projection TV. Uhm...Are you kidding me, God? (Check?)

The place had been sitting on the market for months with no offers. The owners, having already moved to Arizona decided to go ahead and offer it as a lease with the option to buy - just one week prior to us exhausting all other possibilities! Negotiations took place and an agreement was reached.
As the summer dwindled and the trees started to hint at the onset of autumn, we filled that house on the hillside - filled it with the sounds of family; the daily clatter of life were once again heard beneath its roof. And our children began their school year - right on schedule!

Three houses: One filled, one emptied, and one destroyed
They have a common thread; they sit upon uncertainty.
They're all part of the same story - the struggles of man in a fallen world.

This world is fallen and broken; it is passing away. We know not when the very ground under our feet might be shaken. Do you trust in markets and economies - in business models and bottom-lines? Do you derive your security and sense of well being from your home or your health? Do you believe that the incessant tinkering of men will ultimately create stability and universal happiness? Well, then you're destined for disappointment my friend. There is but one unshakable foundation upon which to build your hope - Jesus Christ!
The past couple of years have been some extremely trying times for my family. We've sailed through some very stormy seas and there's no guarantee that our future doesn't hold more of the same. For reasons I may never know, God chose us too endure such times as these and He also saw fit to measure out to us some unexpected blessings as well. Why? Why does God allow what He allows and stays what He stays? Why did I and my family find ourselves moving into such a nice setting while others, perhaps more deserving of such a blessing, languish in their troubles? How can a loving God allow such misery in the world? I won't even attempt to offer a complete answer to such questions - none of us with our finite perspective can begin to wrap our minds around the ways of God. However, there is one thing I've gained through my own adversity: a stronger faith and belief in God's providence and His perfect plan to integrate my life into His kingdom. This world - such as it is, is not how God intended it to be - not what was originally created. The curse of original sin brought futility to all of creation way back in Genesis 3:17. The very hill upon which our new home sits bears in its soil the scars of that curse. Yet God's plan for me and my family is older than the hills. For He knew us before the foundations of the world were laid. You see my friends, we're not some accidental concoction brewed from the elements and left to careen down life's road - undirected and without purpose. The things which befall us, however wonderful or unpleasant - they're all useful tools in our lives. God uses such things in preparation to fulfill His good works in us and through us! Whether in prosperity or in great need, I'm convinced that God's glory will be accomplished in my life - and in all those who seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness!
I trust that God will use my story to somehow edify and encourage you as you seek His will in your life.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."John 16:33 (New International Version)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."Jeremiah 29: 11-14 (New International Version)

My Journey Part-8

This is #8 of a nine-part series.
If you'd like to skip to a different chapter,
Just click on the My Journey series
under LABELS (Top of the page, on the right side of your screen).

My next post is coming soon. It'll be another in my
Commentary On Our Culture series - A piece on the Green Movement
and our relationship with the environment!

It's a picture-perfect Saturday morning and I'm pacing the concrete floor of my garage. The Sun's rays have cleared the tree tops and the long shadows are in full retreat; they're all that remain of the previous night - that and a heavy dew. Ah yes, the dew - millions of tiny droplets sparkling in the dawn's early light. Their collective moisture has given the countryside a good soaking; it's the reason for my delay but soon they too will burn away and the conditions will be ideal. The turf will be dry and several hours will pass before the midday heat sets in; several hours 'til the kids (with a little help from Duchess, our knuckle-headed dog) have strewn their bicycles, toys, and various articles of clothing across the property.
Name your diagnosis if you're so inclined: A clinical disorder, a malady of the brain or maybe I was dropped at birth. Whatever the reason, I'm one of those odd-ball individuals who actually enjoys mowing the lawn. For some - probably most fellas, cutting the grass is nothing more than a long, dirty and sweaty hike between the tool-shed and his favorite chair, cold beverage, and the ol' ballgame on TV. For me, it's another outlet for creative expression. Did I just write that? Yeah-yeah, I know - it sounds like a puddle of dribble from some tofu-eating, art festival type. So... for the sake of perspective, let me mention that I also fell trees, split wood, own a gun, and know how to clean & gut a fish! (Okay, I admit it - I like art festivals too. I guess my skull is just a left brain/right brain battle ground!)
Now where was I? Oh yes - mowing the lawn. You can tell the difference between the job done by a guy like me and the one done by some Joe whose mind never really left the family room - his brain remained parked in front of a large plasma TV the whole time. Meandering back and forth, Joe is not the least bit concerned about patterns or straight lines as he leaves clumps of wet clippings in his wake. After all, if he waited 'til the turf was dry or took some extra time to perfect his technique, he might miss the first couple of innings - I guess it's just a simple question of priorities. As for me - well, I like ballgames & beverages too but I also want my work to have good form; to demonstrate attention to detail. After the equipment is put away and the clippings are swept off the porch; with the scent of fresh-cut grass yet lingering in the air, I walk the land I've just groomed and find the straight lines and consistent patterns pleasing to my senses. What I behold resembles...well, it resembles one of the ball fields on TV (that is if you squint & look past the dandelions!)

My wife & I with our two oldest kids attended
this game at Comerica Park back in 2007.
Now that's a lawn!

Aha - dry at last! I ease my 54" Bobcat mower from the garage, adjust a few settings, and pull the starter cord. A pair of morning doves frantically flap their wings, making a hasty retreat from their roost as the powerful engine awakens from its seven-day slumber. After a couple of trips around the perimeter of the entire property, I'm now ready for my first pass across the field and I want it to be perfectly straight. This will be the standard for all the rows which follow it. Neither Joe nor the morning doves appreciate the effort but to me, it's a work of art; the first brush-strokes on a two-acre canvass!

To cut a straight path, I don't focus my attention on the ground directly in front of me but rather that which is far afield. I choose a stationary point in the distance - a tree or maybe a fence-post and fix my gaze upon it. Proceeding toward the distant object, I sight it in with the center of my machine, I do not deviate from my course nor do I take my eyes off of my mark. I reach the end of the run and come-about. Craning my neck, I look back upon my work and give myself a nod of approval. The four and a half foot wide swath I had just carved across the property couldn't have been straighter had it been laid out with a giant ruler! The remaining round-trips across our parcel are accomplished with an equal amount of care & precision until I've completed the job. A few hours later and I'm relaxing in my hammock while enjoying a few moments of quiet reflection; giving some thought to this juncture in my life - this juncture and lines in the grass.
My thoughts these days are largely occupied by the difficulties we're grappling with. Questions, elusive answers, agonizingly slow answers... My waking hours - sometimes, even my sleeping hours are spent mulling over our options and trying to redeem my time as best I know how. I must confess that some days I'm frustrated to the point that I feel I may burst - like my innards are about to reach critical mass and a melt-down is imminent! Some days I sit in quiet circumspection and a wave of sadness overwhelms me. We're losing our home - I'm not sure when or how we'll secure a new residence though we must accomplish this soon. I've not yet settled the matter of whether we'll even be able to remain in this state! There's this nagging sense I can't seem to shake - that following close behind me are the hounds of regret for whatever decisions I make.
Folks, you look for answers on the phone, in the mail box and while negotiating with others. You hone your skills, read books and scripture and search your hearts and minds for wisdom and discernment. You bend the knee and beseech the Lord for providence - for guidance. And yet while you're looking in one direction, God sometimes drops a profound answer right in your lap - while gently swinging in your hammock with grass clippings still in your hair!
Look far afield! Don't focus on the conditions around you; don't become entangled in what lies on your left or calls to you from your right. Never mind what's behind you and don't make a habit of navel-gazing. Rather, fix your gaze on your destination! To do otherwise will invariably lead you to stray off course. The bumps and irregularities in the turf are inevitable as you press on but they must not become your focus - note them; adjust to them but do not allow them to become a distraction! Prayerfully consider your goals and apply all due diligence and tenaciously set out to achieve them!

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress,
My God, in whom I trust!"
For it is He who delivers you from the
snare of the trapper
And from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with His pinions,
And under His wings you may seek refuge;
His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.
You will not be afraid of the terror by night,
Or of the arrow that flies by day;
Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
Or of the destruction that lays waste at noon.
A thousand may fall at your side
And ten thousand at your right hand,
But it shall not approach you.
You will only look on with your eyes
And see the recompense of the wicked.
For you have made the LORD, my refuge,
Even the Most High, your dwelling place.
No evil will befall you, Nor will any
plague come near your tent.
For He will give His angels charge concerning you,
To guard you in all your ways.
They will bear you up in their hands,
That you do not strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread upon the lion and cobra,
The young lion and the serpent
you will trample down.
"Because he has loved Me,
therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him securely on high,
because he has known My name.
"He will call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
"With a long life I will satisfy him
And let him see My salvation."
Psalm 91 (NASV)

One of my readers asked me to post a photo
of our lawn so here it is. From up in the
tree-house, you can't tell it's just a bunch
of country weeds!

My Bob Cat

Thanks to all of you for your prayers and kind words.
Just a quick up-date:

• My household is in the early stages of bankruptcy and foreclosure.
• My brother and I have formed a new company and have been operating it since the end of the first quarter.
• Thus far we've been able to keep the company operating in positive territory.
• We took a 50% pay-cut in order to allow our new venture to gain some momentum.
• We must be able to grow the company steadily in a tough market in order to restore our incomes to the level we need to support our families - a tall order but there have been some encouraging trends in the past few weeks so we'll see.
• Housing for my family is a critical issue and we're exploring a few good possibilities.
• At times, the stress takes its toll but God is using these times to strengthen us - of this I have no doubt!
  

My Journey Part-7

This is #7 of a nine-part series.
If you'd like to skip to a different chapter,
Just click on the My Journey series
under LABELS (Top of the page, on the right side of your screen).

Morning: Cold water splashed on my face; it trickles past the stubble on my cheeks. I breathe out a sigh as I stand in front of the mirror. "Who is that guy staring back at me? I don't recognize him anymore. He looks...Well, he looks tired; he looks...old." It's early spring and as the sun rises, silhouetting the still bare trees this chilly morning, I find myself wanting for answers that elude me. That face; that tired old face I see in the mirror...I'm afraid it is mine. Although I don't want to admit it, the past year has taken a toll. It's time for some changes - some very difficult changes.
I'm really not a morning person!

Have you ever remodeled a home; maybe a bathroom or perhaps something a bit more ambitious? Ideally, there's an order to such a project. You start with a vision; an image in your mind's eye. You try to imagine the finished product; to see yourself relaxing in the newly renovated space. From your vision flows everything else: You develop a set of plans; the plans are reviewed, revised and finalized; the plans are then submitted to the local inspection authority and a permit is issued. Finally, construction begins...with demolition. Demolition is the most unpleasant phase of the project; you're tearing down rather than building up. Demolition is dust and debris; it's noise and calamity - it most certainly does not feel like progress. Demolition may involve a wall or two while other times, the entire structure - maybe right down to the very foundation! Soon the smell of plaster dust and dry-rot gives way to the aroma of fresh-cut lumber as the renovation takes shape. And so it goes - ideally, that is.
Then, of course there are the non-ideal situations. In these, demolition isn't part of one's master plan, it's the result of some sort of catastrophe. A storm, flood or fire has damaged - maybe even destroyed the home. Under duress, a plan emerges from the rubble. You evaluate what's left; if it cannot be salvaged, it must be stripped away. What remains, remains. And from there, you plan to reconstruct or build elsewhere.

In the ideal situation, you're envisioning a project that will improve or add to what you already have. In the non-ideal, you're hoping to restore what has been lost.
I now find myself in the midst of a storm. The winds have not yet abated and the dust is still thick in the air but I'm beginning to see what has been lost. Walking through the debris field, I'm trying to regain some vision; to formulate a plan of action. I must consider the delicate balance between the daily needs of my family while considering how to restore stability to our household.
"What storm?" You ask. Okay, I'll forgo the analogies: The economic "storm" which has been raging over the state of Michigan for the past few years has severely weakened our family business. We've been steadily losing ground financially for some time. We've been in a fighting retreat for the past two quarters and have cut everything that can be cut without touching our salaries. However, the company can no longer afford to pay me what my large family requires. Either we quickly develop and implement a business plan; one which includes a reasonable expectation for growth or I must seek another line of work. Unfortunately, I don't see a reasonable expectation for growth and so I'm biding my time while trying to shore-up the company as best I can before my departure. I would leave large hole in the organization if I didn't do my best to stabilize things for my brother and Dad before moving on. Another reality has become painfully clear; we will likely lose our home in the next five to six months. It's enough to make a 45 year-old guy suddenly feel...well, old!
In the coming weeks I'll be writing more about this situation but know this: I have no doubt that God knows our needs and I'm confident that He's using these times to bring about His glory in my family, in me...in this forum. Nevertheless, I ask for your prayers as I seek discernment, wisdom, and courage to follow wherever God leads. In short, I need a plan - a set of blue-lines and some specification notes. After all, God is my architect!

My Journey - Part 6

This is #6 of a nine-part series.
If you'd like to skip to a different chapter,
Just click on the My Journey series
under LABELS (Top of the page, on the right side of your screen).

Behind me, the eastern sky had already been enveloped in the advancing shadow of night. Above, I watched the darkness blend into a brilliant azure blue. The stunning palette of deep colors stretched on toward the western horizon where the Sun had already bade me a warm farewell. Leaving behind a pale pink ribbon; the remaining light yielded the stage to the first stars of the evening. Far away - across the sea, street lamps were extinguishing as people awakened to a new day. The world keeps turning; it pauses for no one.
As for me, I was heading off into the sunset - no, not like the hero at the end of an old western film. If my life indeed, were a movie, this would be the part when all seemed lost; where the audience despaired for want of a happy ending. Looking down at his watch, the astute theater patron would note that this story is only half finished; the plot is now just thickening!

Last weekend, a couple of pieces of information were delivered to me with all the charm of a sucker-punch to the gut. Stumbling around and just a bit dazed, I had reached my tipping-point. I desperately needed a sabbatical. No, I didn't want a vacation - it was urgent that I find a quiet retreat. It was time for me to turn off all the ambient noise in my life; pull back from my daily obligations and bring my full attention to bear on the tangled and crisscrossing threads that were making it impossible for me to see a clear path ahead. It was time to head west.
By Monday afternoon my plans were firmed-up; I would leave after dinner. I could detect the angst in my wife as I packed my overnight bag. She understood the need but she too was carrying some of the burden of our circumstances and didn't exactly relish the thought of my absence for the next couple of days. It's in my nature to fix things. My work shop has a tool for just about any project or repair you could imagine but you'll find nothing there for a woman's emotions. I tried delivering reassuring words and some gentle touch but their usual potency seemed a bit diluted this time. I kissed eight children and gave Melanie a long embrace and headed out the door. Having tossed my provisions onto the rear bench-seat of my truck, I settled in behind the wheel - delayed only for a moment as I instructed the GPS device to guide me to the Holiday Inn Express in Ludington. I already knew the way - I just like my gadgets! Reaching into my coat pocket I expected to feel the cold, metallic jumble of keys but my finger tips discovered that the keys were not alone. As I pulled my hand from the pocket, the usual jingling sound was muted by the small, folded piece of paper which accompanied it. Rebecca, our oldest daughter had written me a note. She'd sealed it using a strip of leather with a mother of pearl heart pendant attached and secretly deposited into my right pocket.

This is a picture of Becky's note to me

As the darkness settled across the land, I drove on. The remains of that sunset still lingered in the distance, beckoning me to follow. The white dashed line on the pavement stretched out before me; its paint glowing in the beam from my head-lamps. The bright flashes of reflected light measured a sort of tempo; as if my journey was a piece of music - its rhythm had an almost hypnotic effect on me as I traveled along in quiet contemplation. Driving north on US-30; somewhere between Muskegon and Ludington I realized that I was just about the only one on that lonely stretch of highway - just me and my four tires humming their tune as the road-paint kept time.
The silence was broken by the pseudo-feminine voice of my GPS device; announcing my approaching exit as I neared Ludington. "Thanks, but I know a short cut" I said - my voice falling on deaf ears. "Recalculating route" said the gadget as if answering me. I guess I was starving for a conversation. A few minutes later little miss know-it-all chimed in again, "Your destination is on the right". "Thanks!" I said with a sarcastic tone; making the turn into the hotel's driveway.
After checking in, I settled into my room. Wasting little time, I made a bee-line to the upholstered chair & ottoman in the corner. Falling into its embrace, I let out a long sigh. I glanced across the room and my eyes fell on the on the cheap clock radio resting on the night stand; its crimson display read 9:00pm. And what was that? I know I'd heard it before... Silence; no background noise, no conversations, no phones ringing, just me and my thoughts - and hopefully... God's thoughts!
I spent some time meditating on scripture: Psalm 27 and the verses my daughter had penciled on her note. Then, with pen in hand and a new legal pad on the table before me I began to write. It was as if some obstruction had been removed and the words began to flow. Line after line and page after page I began to see with greater clarity as all the pent-up observations, discernment, insights, desires, emotions and the like began to be unraveled from one another. With all of it laid out before me in the form of hand-written notes scratched out across many pages, I began to ask God to weave into it His wisdom; His will. I longed to have some direction; a course and heading; to know I was leading my family in the direction God wants us to go.
On Tuesday as the morning hours waned, I emerged from my room and motored my way to Ludington State Park - a vast area of Lake Michigan shore line, sand dunes, dense forests, steep ridges and deep valleys. I have known this area from my youth and its familiar landscape is what drew me here this week. I've never before walked those trails in the dead of winter and I expected to find the area pretty much deserted - it was. Only a handful of maintenance workers, trimming trees near the park office; no one else could be found.
(If you follow this link, you can practically trace the steps of my hike; I parked at the end of highway 116, followed the Lighthouse Trail to Big Sable Point, continued on that trail until jumping over to the Ridge Trail, and finally made my way back to my starting point). The first leg of my hike was to be the 1.7-mile walk out to the Big Sable Point Lighthouse. I was most curious to see this stoic structure amidst the snow and ice; a spectacle I'd only seen in photos before. My most recent visit there was two summers ago. We and our children climbed the spiraling steps to the top and enjoyed the view as warm breezes blew through our hair. On this day, the weather was quite different; the breezes blowing through my hair came in off the icy water. They carried with them a local weather phenomenon known as lake-effect snow. The rest of the state was enjoying sunny skies but there, along the shores of Lake Michigan snow squalls were plentiful. I lingered near the lighthouse a while, snapped a few photos and then gave the trail map a quick study. The Lighthouse Trail takes an easterly direction from Big Sable Point and follows a route inland; meandering through acres of sand dunes, dense stands of jack pine, up and over bluffs, and finally connects with a maze of other trails which offer its travelers a variety of beautiful scenery. Locating the marker indicating the way, I ventured on. Obviously, I was the first to walk this trail in months. The only tracks I found were those belonging to deer, rabbit, squirrel, and coyote. On several occasions, I had to consult my compass & trail map as the drifted snow was covering any evidence of a beaten path.
As I was passing through a stand of white pine searching for a trail marker, my mind drifted back to a time some fourteen years earlier. Rebecca, just a little girl then had traveled this very same trail - riding on my shoulders the whole way. I reached into my pocket. There it was; that crumpled note from my daughter - no longer sitting on my shoulders but rather standing on the threshold of womanhood, she had sent along with me a scripture most appropriate for this moment. She has no idea how much that blessed her daddy!

Psalm 119: 105
"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path"

As I walked the area in ever-widening circles, meditating on this scripture I located the next trail marker. Pressing on toward my destination, it occurred to me that I'm walking a road less traveled in my life. What I mean to say is, I'm not on the the typical college degree, 2.5 children, suburban-America, nice vacation once a year, retirement at 65 with money in the bank road. With my entrepreneurial tendencies and disdain for the winds of contemporary thought, I've often found myself navigating through areas which others avoid.
Finding your way through unfamiliar or un-marked terrain requires a greater awareness of your surroundings - to be able to orient yourself on a map of the region. There's no pavement; no perfectly spaced white lines painted to keep you centered in your lane. You must have the ability to plot your present location and know which course and heading will see you to your destination. You must know how to navigate rather than follow a prescribed route. Though I may be on a road less traveled, I'm not without guidance. Scripture illuminates the way and God supplies encouragement, exhortation, and discernment through good Christian fellowship.
After a few hours of hiking, I returned to my truck feeling physically tired but refreshed in my spirit. I felt God had given me a new resolve to press on and trust Him to help me both identify our destination and plot the best course to get there. Sometimes a simple walk in the woods can speak volumes if you're listening! Before dinner, I parked along the waterfront in Ludington; reflecting on the time spent in the stillness of a sleeping forest and all the thoughts I'd written down the past twenty four hours. The Sun was setting over the pier - warm hues were suspended for the moment over a frozen seascape - It was growing dark yet I could almost hear the daylight sky whispering its parting words; words of encouragement; words of a coming spring. Somehow, it seemed a fitting end to my day. The world had turned one more time. The next morning I'd tell my trusty ol' GPS gadget to guide me home.

Three of our boys pose for a picture after
climbing the Big Sable Point Light.
July 2007

This is the view of the lighthouse from atop a
nearby dune. Beyond, you can see the icepack
extending some 75-100 yards into the
cold waters of Lake Michigan.

I ventured about 50-yards out onto the icepack and snapped this shot. It was very difficult walking as I made my way between and over refrigerator-sized chunks of frozen Lake Michigan; a pair of ice-climbing boots would have been nice for that little adventure!

This is where the water and ice meet. It looks like a scene from the Arctic Sea; doesn't it? During the winter months, the entire Lake Michigan shore line looks like this - fractured slabs of ice heaped high; cemented together as frigid waters wash over the top during the brutal winter storms which frequently blow across this fresh water sea.

Snow drifts and white pine here made the trail
hard to find at times.

There were a couple of stretches where
I wished I had donned a pair of snowshoes!

I've taken many summertime strolls out to the Ludington Pier light but not this day. With mounds of ice piled high atop the concrete structure, only a complete fool would venture out there now. I went half way so I guess I'm an incomplete fool!

The Sun setting over the frozen Ludington Pier.

My Journey - Part 5

This is #5 of a nine-part series.
If you'd like to skip to a different chapter,
Just click on the My Journey series
under LABELS (Top of the page, on the right side of your screen).

When your opponent is yourself, where do you go for a respite? When you're grappling with your inner struggles, there is no quiet corner in which to rest. You and you adversary are inseparable. Like a shadow-boxer, you can't run from the fight - it is wherever you are.
There have been days this week when the battle seemed too much for me; my shadow, as it were, was prevailing and I longed for some place to go; a place where I wasn't feeling constantly pummeled. I'm beginning to understand why so many folks turn to alcohol and drugs for relief. Now don't you worry, I'm not destined for a twelve-step program any time soon! I'm just aying that I've gained a new perspective, that's all. Though I've had a profound sense of despair shadowing me these days, I refuse to succumb to it for such a thing has no permanent place in the heart of one whose hope is in the Lord!
Nevertheless, this is where the battle lines are drawn each day in my life. Indeed, I find myself at one of those crossroad moments we all encounter on life's journey. This one is no country corner - it's a major intersection! Do I continue in the direction I've been traveling - that is, I and my family with me? Do I change course and if so, then which way? The circumstances swirling about are pressing me to make choices I feel ill-equipped to make; decisions I'd rather defer until a later date. I'm finding it difficult to get my bearings and I feel compelled to make choices I have little confidence in. The whole thing leaves me feeling so very drained at times.
If you're familiar with J.R.R. Tolkien you'll likely recognize the following quote from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I'm reminded of it because it so aptly describes the weariness and exasperation I often feel these days:

I'm old, Gandalf. I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. I feel thin. Sort of stretched, like butter, scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. A very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return. In fact, I mean not to.
-An excerpt from The Fellowship of the Ring by J.R.R. Tolkien

Have you ever seen that movie, Castaway? Tom Hanks plays a character named Chuck Noland - a time-obsessed systems analyst for FedEx. Chuck travels worldwide promoting efficiency and resolving productivity problems for his company...that is until a plane crash leaves him marooned on an uninhabited island in the South Pacific - alone. Sometimes I actually envy the guy removed from his busy world, standing there; a deserted beach on an uncharted island spread out before him, he's suddenly had his priorities redefined for him. His life simplified right down to the most basic of needs: Water, food, and shelter. And yet, I'm not alone on an island. Nor am I planning a permanent hiatus any time soon. I have resolved that I'll not endure challenges, adversities, or losses in vain for I am determined that my attitude will not hinder the good work that God desires to accomplish in and through me. May my momentary light afflictions bring about the glory of my Lord and His kingdom! I will not seek to withdraw from this battle. Rather, I intend through Christ who strengthens me, to boldly go forth wherever He leads.

In times past, when confronted with such difficulties, I've had a tendency to withdraw to my own little island. I'd fortify it and dwell in it; shutting out those through whom God would deliver sustenance - even my wife! The fact that you're reading these words is evidence that I've learned to press myself into the fray; allowing others, and especially my wife to come along side and stand with me. Lately, I've plugged into a group of men from our church. We meet twice a month at a local eatery to fellowship, study scripture, and pray together - yet another indication that God has imparted upon me a desire to let Him work through others in my life. It's been like medicine to my soul! Let me be frank, if you intend to face the challenges in your life - however great or small - by your own cunning and strength, then you're on a fool's errand my friend!
Let me close this with a story I read a few years back; perhaps you're familiar with it, it's called The Silent Sermon:

Our Daily Bread - Daily Devotional
September 22, 2003

How important is our fellowship in the local church? Let me answer that question by telling a story.

A minister was concerned about the absence of a man who had normally attended services. After a few weeks, he decided to visit him. When the pastor arrived at the man's home, he found him all alone, sitting in front of a fireplace. The minister pulled up a chair and sat next to him. But after his initial greeting he said nothing more.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes while the minister stared at the flames in the fireplace. Then he took the tongs and carefully picked up one burning ember from the flames and placed it on the hearth. He sat back in his chair, still silent. His host watched in quiet reflection as the ember flickered and faded. Before long it was cold and dead.

The minister glanced at his watch and said he had to leave, but first he picked up the cold ember and placed it back in the fire. Immediately it began to glow again with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.

As the minister rose to leave, his host stood with him and shook his hand. Then, with a smile on his face, the man said, "Thanks for the sermon, pastor. I'll see you in church on Sunday." —David H. Roper

UPDATE - MARCH 2, 2009

Since posting My Journey - Part 5, there have been some significant developments in my situation. Over the past few days, some things have come to light which will have serious implications for my household and our finances. I've taken some time off from work to pull back and find some place to get alone with God and seek His face. I'm seriously considering accepting an opportunity to go away for a couple of days - alone; to pray, meditate on scripture, and try to discern God's will for me/us in these times. I need to define some goals and prayerfully consider how to act upon them. Those of you who read my blog; if you're so inclined, please remember me in your prayers.

My Journey - Part 4

This is #4 of a nine-part series.
If you'd like to skip to a different chapter,
Just click on the My Journey series
under LABELS (Top of the page, on the right side of your screen).

It's been several days since I've up-dated this series so I figured I'd string a few thoughts together. This morning while I readied myself for work, a number of observations were streaming through my mind as I contemplated our situation. I recall that they were good thoughts - I just wish I would've written them down because much of it eludes me now. If someone ever invents a lap-top that's safe for use in the shower, I just might be interested! Well, perhaps it'll come back to me as I delve into it.
There's no denying it; no way to sugar-coat it - I'm struggling right now. I haven't slept well in days. I try to get my mind around the things I'm wrestling with but it's no use. Each day I arise from bed still tired. Feeling as though my best efforts are draped with futility, I mechanically dress myself, grab a piece of fruit, kiss my family and head out the door - driven not by a passion for what I do but by a sense of duty. This evening, I returned home a complete wreck. Frustrated beyond words, I fumed as I picked through my dinner. At one point, I rudely left the table to be alone. I was not pleasant company this evening and I owe my family an apology - which they'll get first thing tomorrow.
With a tension headache and no desire to remain awake, I slid into bed early; hoping the next sound I'd hear would be my alarm clock telling me it was six o'clock and time to start another morning - maybe a better morning. Instead, a restless soul - I awoke around midnight, paced the quiet floors of my home; still agitated and pensive. I finally settled in here at my keyboard. My heart cries out to God, "Why do such things befall men who simply want to live for You? Why are my efforts so hindered? Why this; why that; why, why, why...?" And the answer? If I dare trust the words I feel echoing in the halls of my mind, the answer would seem to be,

"Why don't you just take a deep breath and relax. Remember from Whom your help comes! Remember what remarkable Providences you've already seen! Never forget this: That you do not bear the well being of your children alone for they are ever before Me and I do not sleep!"

(By-the-way, I really should write about those "Providences" sometime; someone please remind me to do that later - another story worth telling I suppose).

We had a lengthy meeting last week - Dad, my brother and I - to discuss some critical issues; weighing our options and debating some tough choices for our family business. It's sobering for us as we're having to face the gravity of our situation. I'm left pondering the possibility that I'm facing a drastic cut in my income and perhaps the prospect of having to seek a new career path. We press on with the hope we may yet pull through this slump; continuing to seek God's will and striving to make sound choices. Lately, I've spent many sleepless nights trying to discern the implications for my family; the immanent consequences we face. "Why, God...(oops, there I go again! Be still my soul).
I watch with a tinge of amusement as the world around me conjures up one "crisis" after another. I suppose it gives some people a sense of purpose to play the role of "savior"; to stand at their podiums and boldly proclaim their wonderful plans for salvation. The incurably ignorant masses rise as one and applaud loudly for the almighty governance of man is about to throw more money at them. Many have foolishly concluded that it's the governments' role to remove all unpleasant consequences from their lives and there's no shortage of elected officials; all to eager to oblige them. Using the power and influence gained by confiscating the wealth of others, they buy the support of a deceived people. They are flim-flam artists; snake-oil salesman and they call their brilliant schemes stimulus.

God has a stimulus plan too but it doesn't prescribe the removal of troublesome consequences. However seasoned with grace, He tends to leave in place the consequences of poor choices, victimization, and the environment of this fallen world. (May I direct your attention to this scripture?) In our Heavenly Father's economy, consequences are the stimulus - encouraging growth; nudging us on toward greater works in Christ! So, I take courage as I hope in the harvest that will be reaped in its season. God has seen in me what I cannot see and has, in His infinite wisdom deemed me worthy to endure such troubles. I'm encouraged by that thought and so I keep going. Wow, look at the time; I'd better get back to bed while there's still some time before that 6 o'clock alarm!

For those of you who read Trail Marker - part 1, the conclusion is just about finished and I'll post it later this week. If you haven't read it yet, whacha waitin' for?!

Flashback (My Journey - part 3)

This is #3 of a nine-part series.
If you'd like to skip to a different chapter,
Just click on the My Journey series
under LABELS (Top of the page, on the right side of your screen).

This photo was taken early in 1998; around the same time I wrote the journal entry below. I'm pictured here holding Becky & Bradley; at the time,they were our only children.

I mentioned in my last post (Part - 2) that the difficulties we are now experiencing are similar to what we walked through about a dozen years ago. Back in those days, we were struggling through some very painful circumstances. Over a period of about 18-24 months, the building company I had started slowly bled us of our financial stability. We fell behind with some of our suppliers, amassed a huge tax debt and nearly lost our home; and just when I thought things had bottomed-out...

1/6/1998, 12:00am

As we've just begun a new year and put the holidays behind us, I find myself in the midst of some deep, inner struggles. I feel as though I'm in a tail-spin; out of control and headed toward certain doom! It felt as though everything I've set my hand to accomplish is falling apart at the seams.

Our business is struggling for its very survival; we're experiencing some profound financial struggles as well as having problems with some of our employees. I've been feeling an ever-increasing weight upon my shoulders. The level of stress has been on the increase in recent weeks as I'm feeling the reality of so many things amiss in my world right now.

As we began December, I was determined to keep my chin up; to be a pillar of strength for my family. We decorated our Christmas tree early and I even purchased some extra lights to put on the house, shrubs, and the crab-apple tree. I had decided to do my level best to make the holiday season as festive a memory as possible for Mel and the little ones.

Nevertheless, pressures were continuing to mount and I was growing increasingly concerned about the financial state of our little company. Yet, I'll always remember the big surprise Melanie had waiting for me that one particular afternoon in early December. I'd just come home from another frustrating day. We gave each other our usual greeting as I stumbled through the door over two young children who were frantically competing for my affection. It looked like another typical evening lay ahead for me; trying to stay up-beat and optimistic in spite my heavy heart.

For some reason, Mel seemed intent upon herding me toward our bedroom. I willingly obliged, figuring she'd probably had a rough day with the kids and wanted some "us-time" before dinner. The door closed behind me and she motioned for me to look on top of her dresser. Turning my head, I noticed a handkerchief covering something. "Take a look" she said. Lifting away the fabric, I saw what it had been concealing. The clouds that had been hovering over my head all day suddenly lifted; a ray of sun fell upon my heart. Gone, for the moment were the things that had been troubling me. I beheld a home pregnancy test boldly displaying a big pink "+". Oh - I was so happy; the troubles plaguing me now seemed trivial - at least for a little while, anyhow.

Over the next couple of days, we delivered the exciting news to our family and a few of our friends and then began making plans; preparing a place for our new arrival. This was truly a boost for me. Yet, the problems at work were worsening and I was feeling more and more stressed-out. The days leading up to the Christmas break were some of the most frustrating ones I've had in quite some time. I limped into Christmas just hoping for a few days to rest and re-evaluate some things.

I'm sure there's no way to prepare one's self for adverse times but I, already in a vulnerable state emotionally, was completely blind-sided by what happened next. It was Christmas Eve when Melanie first noticed some light bleeding; always unnerving during a pregnancy. I recalled a similar episode when we were expecting Becky so I was a little concerned but not overly so. However, my cautious optimism was soon dashed as the flow of blood increased over the next couple of days. As the reality of our loss became apparent; that on top of all the other grief I'd been enduring from our floundering business, my heart sank.

Mel was in bed; the children were fast asleep. I, alone with my thoughts and pent-up emotions knelt down to pray (by the bathtub - of all the places). Crying out to God, I sobbed; I wept like I haven't wept in recent memory. The tears flowing freely washed the contact lenses from my eyes (I never did find them).

More than a week has gone by now and I'm still reeling; I've found it difficult to even write these words without my eyes tearing up once more. I'm still struggling to find my way back to that place where I once felt my faith was unshakable. God is the one constant in the universe. His character is flawless but I am weak. When have I ever felt weaker than I do now? Yet, I'm determined to press-on! We lost our little one. Though we only knew this child as a little pink "+", our lives are profoundly touched by the assurance that our #3 is waiting for us in Jesus' arms! I look forward to our first meeting! Just a final thought: I can only imagine what it must be like to have your first perceptions in life be in the presence of God!

I think this was taken during the summer of 1997. The kids & I havin' a ball!

If I could take a trip in a time machine, I'm not sure I could resist making a stop in the year 1998; January 6 at around 12:30 am, I should think. I'd stroll up the walk and climb the front porch steps of that little ranch-style house on Riverdale Street I so fondly remember. I'd quietly knock on the door; careful not to wake the kids and my young wife. "Hi, it's me...uhm...that is...well, it's you - I mean I'm you; would ya believe you about 11 years from now?" Now, assuming I'd make it past such a greeting, I'd invite myself in and we'd make ourselves comfortable in the living room. I wonder who'd get my favorite chair; me or me?
I'm not altogether sure what I'd say to my young alter ego but I can imagine I'd tell him his faith in the Heavenly Father is well placed. Perhaps I'd tell him of the amazing providence he would experience in the coming years. I'd tell him what a wonderful wife he has and how she's blossomed into such an extraordinary woman. I'd tell him what fine youngsters Becky and Brad have grown into and "just wait 'til ya meet the other six!" I probably wouldn't mention the second miscarriage he and his wife would go through in a few years. Rather, I'd reassure him that God is using the difficulties of his day to strengthen him to face new challenges in mine and that his perseverance is not in vain. Finally, I'd smack him up-side the head in advance for buying that stupid conversion van!
So here I sit, looking back; recognizing God's providence along my journey; His mighty hand keeping my feet on course. Therefore, I can't help but wonder; "what would the 'me' from the future have to say to me right now? I think it would sound more or less just like what I would say to the 1998 "me"; that and maybe tomorrow's winning lottery numbers might be nice!

My Journey - Part 2

This is #2 of a nine-part series.
If you'd like to skip to a different chapter,
Just click on the My Journey series
under LABELS (Top of the page, on the right side of your screen).

March 6, 2008
All eight of our kids together for the first time.
Little new-born Nathan was just a day old. One month from today we'll celebrate Nate's first birthday!

The family business remains in the intensive care unit; undergoing some radical therapy to try and stabilize it. I spent some of my day today outside the office. It felt good to get out of there for a couple of hours - diagnosing and repairing a minor electrical issue for a new client of ours. The balance of the day was spent reconciling accounts, chasing down a couple of leads, chasing down a couple of customers with past-due invoices, and trying to figure out how to meet payroll next week.
I also spent some time in my office with Brandon, one of the employees we laid-off yesterday; just a little shop-talk, business prospects, issues pertaining to his leaving - that sort of thing. It was also my opportunity to let him know how much I had appreciated his efforts these past months. As we spoke, I stole a quick glance over his shoulder. Hanging on the wall just beyond him was the picture of his new-born baby boy; e-mailed to me just a little over a year ago by the proud new father. Little Evan was the first child born to he and his wife, Stacy. I posted a copy of the little fella in our office for everyone to see and it's been there since. Now, it's a different season; nothing cheerful to hang on the wall. After an awkward silence, I thought briefly about discussing matters of faith but we'd been there before. So, with a sadness in my heart, I walked him to his car unable to offer any optimistic words with regards to his position. Outside, the air was frigid and a light snow had begun to fall. Brandon's pick-up truck sat idling in the drive; waiting in the warm cab were Stacy along with Evan, asleep in his car-seat.
After some brief conversation, we said our goodbyes and I returned to my desk feeling a deep concern for their young family. I don't know how unbelievers cope with such adversity. My brother and I have both tried to share our faith with Brandon and others who've worked for us. There's such a hardness of heart with some folks. I hope that they'll see in me an unwavering faith as we sail through these perilous waters. I suppose if a father of eight can remain steadfast in his faith; persevering through difficulties such as these, then perhaps a father of one might feel compelled to seek such assurance in his own life. Such is my prayer for him or maybe others who might providentially stumble upon these words of mine.

God, preserve in me such a faith that You may be glorified -Amen.

I've had to navigate through waters like this before. In My Journey - Part 3, you'll be reading one of my personal journal entries from January, 1998 - Over 11 years ago.

My family and I the day after Thanksgiving 2008.
We were out hunting for our Christmas tree
at a nearby tree farm.

My Journey - Part 1

This is #1 of a nine-part series.
If you'd like to skip to a different chapter,
Just click on the My Journey series
under LABELS (Top of the page, on the right side of your screen).

That old feeling is back - a restless heart; a churning in my gut. I haven't been able to shake it today; I haven't been able to shake it for a number of days. I brought it home with me late last week and it's been with me ever since. Have you ever been both present and absent at the same time? I was - yesterday, as I sat through church; my lips moving to the cadence of the music surrounding me yet the words echoed distantly, as if I were two rooms away. And I vacantly looked on as our pastor delivered his sermon. My mind: Far off, miles away and pensively thinking about the week ahead; about the past few years; about the years to come. Where had it gone, I know I had it with me just last week: That unshakable peace - a peace which defies all comers. I am haunted by an unpleasant specter, a malevolent creature who lingers about in the shadows of the things I fear. He drains me of my peace...but only if I let him...

You see, our family's electrical contracting business is floundering and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm in a lop-sided basketball game; with the outcome no longer in doubt, I'm dribbling away the final dozen seconds - about to walk the long tunnel to the locker room having lost despite our best efforts. However, this is no game; this is bread and butter, this is clothing and shelter; this is the well-being of my family - our employees and their families. This is my responsibility; my charge and right now it feels like an unbearable weight pressing down upon me. I'm tired; I mean really tired - not the kind of tired that goes away after a good-night's rest.
All day today, I wrestled with the what-to-do's and the what-if's. I spoke with my Dad and my brother at length; weighing our options and deciding what our next course correction might be. And by mid-day, we had laid-off our remaining employees - indefinitely. Our assets are depleted; we have no cash reserves. We've set up our final play - if we don't nail a three-pointer at the buzzer, it's game-over...

My truck and I rolled into our driveway - a bit slower than usual but just in time for dinner. I deliberately checked my burdens at the door; it was family time. I was greeted by the usual exuberant chaos as I appeared in the kitchen. Melanie was putting the final touches on the spaghetti dinner she had prepared. I grabbed a couple of pot holders and gave her a hand. While exchanging a little light banter, I couldn't help but notice the demeanor of one of our boys; something was wrong with Benjamin. His face was somber and I could tell by his eyes that he'd been crying. I guessed it had been a rough day for him too.
As we began the meal, the serving bowls nearly completing their first orbit around the dinner table I heard Ben's voice. Just barely audible, his voice was little more than a whisper and his words were getting drowned out by all the ambient noise of our family's supper-time clatter. Trying to filter out all the silliness and giggling from his siblings, I turned my head to the left and gave him my full attention - the garlic bread was impatiently waiting next to my plate...it would just have to wait a moment longer. "What was that, son?" I asked. Ben's lips quivered and his mouth contorted. His eyes, already red and swollen from earlier, teared up once more as he repeated himself, "Daddy...Lizzy died today...Daddy, would you help me make a grave marker for him?" Lizzy was Ben's pet, a little green lizard. I reached over and pulled my boy close; now I was blinking back the tears. "I'm so sorry, Ben" I said, remembering all the pets I had lost as a youngster, "I know how much that hurts. Of course...of course, I'll help you". It would seem Benjamin and I were both pondering epitaphs today...

So once again, I'm reminded through one of my children: In as much as I'm able to love them, my Father in Heaven - well, there's no limit to the depth of His love for His children. Tomorrow, though weary to the very marrow of my bones, I will press on - duly reminded that I am not alone!
And as I press on, my intention is to keep writing of our adventure - our journey through whatever troubled waters or incredible providence that we may find ahead...My Journey; I pray it may help you as you make your way in yours!

Pictured here is some of my own handiwork. These electrical conduits deliver power to all the equipment, appliances, and lighting in a new restaurant we were contracted to wire a couple of years ago.