My Journey - Part 4

This is #4 of a nine-part series.
If you'd like to skip to a different chapter,
Just click on the My Journey series
under LABELS (Top of the page, on the right side of your screen).

It's been several days since I've up-dated this series so I figured I'd string a few thoughts together. This morning while I readied myself for work, a number of observations were streaming through my mind as I contemplated our situation. I recall that they were good thoughts - I just wish I would've written them down because much of it eludes me now. If someone ever invents a lap-top that's safe for use in the shower, I just might be interested! Well, perhaps it'll come back to me as I delve into it.
There's no denying it; no way to sugar-coat it - I'm struggling right now. I haven't slept well in days. I try to get my mind around the things I'm wrestling with but it's no use. Each day I arise from bed still tired. Feeling as though my best efforts are draped with futility, I mechanically dress myself, grab a piece of fruit, kiss my family and head out the door - driven not by a passion for what I do but by a sense of duty. This evening, I returned home a complete wreck. Frustrated beyond words, I fumed as I picked through my dinner. At one point, I rudely left the table to be alone. I was not pleasant company this evening and I owe my family an apology - which they'll get first thing tomorrow.
With a tension headache and no desire to remain awake, I slid into bed early; hoping the next sound I'd hear would be my alarm clock telling me it was six o'clock and time to start another morning - maybe a better morning. Instead, a restless soul - I awoke around midnight, paced the quiet floors of my home; still agitated and pensive. I finally settled in here at my keyboard. My heart cries out to God, "Why do such things befall men who simply want to live for You? Why are my efforts so hindered? Why this; why that; why, why, why...?" And the answer? If I dare trust the words I feel echoing in the halls of my mind, the answer would seem to be,

"Why don't you just take a deep breath and relax. Remember from Whom your help comes! Remember what remarkable Providences you've already seen! Never forget this: That you do not bear the well being of your children alone for they are ever before Me and I do not sleep!"

(By-the-way, I really should write about those "Providences" sometime; someone please remind me to do that later - another story worth telling I suppose).

We had a lengthy meeting last week - Dad, my brother and I - to discuss some critical issues; weighing our options and debating some tough choices for our family business. It's sobering for us as we're having to face the gravity of our situation. I'm left pondering the possibility that I'm facing a drastic cut in my income and perhaps the prospect of having to seek a new career path. We press on with the hope we may yet pull through this slump; continuing to seek God's will and striving to make sound choices. Lately, I've spent many sleepless nights trying to discern the implications for my family; the immanent consequences we face. "Why, God...(oops, there I go again! Be still my soul).
I watch with a tinge of amusement as the world around me conjures up one "crisis" after another. I suppose it gives some people a sense of purpose to play the role of "savior"; to stand at their podiums and boldly proclaim their wonderful plans for salvation. The incurably ignorant masses rise as one and applaud loudly for the almighty governance of man is about to throw more money at them. Many have foolishly concluded that it's the governments' role to remove all unpleasant consequences from their lives and there's no shortage of elected officials; all to eager to oblige them. Using the power and influence gained by confiscating the wealth of others, they buy the support of a deceived people. They are flim-flam artists; snake-oil salesman and they call their brilliant schemes stimulus.

God has a stimulus plan too but it doesn't prescribe the removal of troublesome consequences. However seasoned with grace, He tends to leave in place the consequences of poor choices, victimization, and the environment of this fallen world. (May I direct your attention to this scripture?) In our Heavenly Father's economy, consequences are the stimulus - encouraging growth; nudging us on toward greater works in Christ! So, I take courage as I hope in the harvest that will be reaped in its season. God has seen in me what I cannot see and has, in His infinite wisdom deemed me worthy to endure such troubles. I'm encouraged by that thought and so I keep going. Wow, look at the time; I'd better get back to bed while there's still some time before that 6 o'clock alarm!

For those of you who read Trail Marker - part 1, the conclusion is just about finished and I'll post it later this week. If you haven't read it yet, whacha waitin' for?!